Eyes

Since when I was a child I always had difficulties to feel really present in any situation. I do not know how to explain it, but it is always as if I could not fully live the present. Somehow I become an external viewer and I look at others living. I try to check if other people do what I do by looking at their eyes: People's eyes seem so transparent, so fully focused on the present moment. I wonder how my eyes look, I am pretty sure that if people looked carefully they could understand that I am not there. A few nights ago something similar happened. It was really extraordinary to see my closest friends around a table talking and laughing. I did not even manage to say a word, I just enjoyed looking at them. I had around me people that have been close to me and that have supported me in the most incredible way. In my quest for quality I found them, and I could not be more thankful. I do not know what is gonna happen to us or if we will be able again to sit all together around a table, but I am really sure I will always keep that night in my heart.